Rules for Good Housekeeping (Especially for men!)
1. It is time to clean out the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.
2. Keep it clean enough for healthy, dirty enough for happy.
3. Never make fried chicken in the nude.
4. Do not engage in unarmed combat with a dust bunny big enough to choke the vacuum cleaner.
5. You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
6. If guys were suppose to hang clothes up, door knobs would be bigger.
7. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
8. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
9. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere.
10. When writing your name in the dust on the table, omit the date.
Shorty
My Italian American friend is very self-conscious about his height, or lack thereof. So I always steer clear of the subject.
One day, he and I went to lunch at a Sub shop.
"I'll take the Italian," he said to the guy behind the counter. "Salami, Provolone, and peppers."
"Do you want a full hero or half one?" came the reply.
"Ah... gimme a half," my friend says.
After placing our orders, we took our seats. A few minutes later, my friend grimaced when we heard...
"Small Italian, your order is up!"
To God -- From, The Dog
Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?
Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?
Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the " Chrysler Beagle"?
Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?
Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?
Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?
Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember - to be a good dog.
1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
3. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.. neither are laps.
4. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
5. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
6. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and registration.
7. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet
8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.
9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.
10. I will not throw up in the car.
11. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.
12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing. And, finally, My last question . .
Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?
Perplexing Riddle
"It's time to see how clearly you can think," the teacher said to his class. "Now, listen carefully, and think about what I'm saying. I'm thinking of a person who has the same mother and father as I have. But this person is not my brother and not my sister. Who is it?"
The kids in the class furrowed their brows, scratched their heads, and otherwise showed how hard they were thinking. But no one came up with the right answer.
When everyone in the class had given up, the teacher announced, "The person is me."
Little Jeffrey beamed at learning the answer. "That's a good one," he said to himself. "I'll have to try that on Mom and Dad."
At dinner that night, little Jeffrey repeated the riddle to his parents. "I'm thinking of a person who has the same mother and father as I have," he said. "But this person isn't my brother and isn't my sister. Who is it?"
His parents furrowed their brows, scratched their heads, and otherwise pretended that they were thinking hard. Then they both said, "I give up. Who is it?"
"It's my teacher!" Jeffrey said.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Slow, Really Slow
Slow, Really Slow...
A young man was a slow worker and found it difficult to hold down a job. After a visit to the employment office, he was offered work at the local zoo. When he arrived for his first day, the keeper, aware of his reputation, told him to take care of the tortoise section.
Later, the keeper dropped by to see how the young man was doing and found him standing by an empty enclosure with the gate open.
"Where are the tortoises?" he asked.
"I can't believe it," said the new employee, "I just opened the door and whooooosh, they were gone!"
Defining Characteristics
...of Slow People
1. Slow people always walk side by side, even if they don't know each other.
2. They drive side by side, too. If they can't find another slow driver to pair up with, they drive in the fast lane.
3. Slow walkers never look back. When they drive, they never look in their rear view mirrors, either.
4. Slow people drift sideways so they'll block the path of anyone trying to pass them. If two people or vehicles are trying to get around them at the same time, they drift into the path of the one that is moving at the highest speed.
5. Follow behind a slow person in the grocery store and you'll wind up with soggy ice cream every time.
Work Sayings...
For those sarcastic moments...
And your crybaby whinny opinion would be...?
I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
Does your train of thought have a caboose?
Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
A PBS mind in an MTV world.
Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
Can I trade this job for what's behind door number 1?
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
Macho Law prohibits me from admitting I'm wrong.
Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
Chaos, panic, & disorder -- my work here is done.
I plead contemporary insanity.
How do I set a laser printer to stun?
Meandering to a different drummer.
Lesson in Life
Mr. Turtle was walking down the road when he spotted a eagle at the tip top of a very tall tree. He shouted, "Good Morning, Mr. Crow."
Mr. Crow shouted back down, "Good Morning Mr. Turtle." Mr. Turtle shouted up, "Whatcha doin' today?" and the answer shouted back down was, "Absolutely nothin' Mr. Turtle - Absolutely nothin' and loving it."
Well, that sounded pretty good to Mr. Turtle, so he shouted back up, "Do you think I could do that too?" Mr. Crow shouted back down, "I don't see why not!" So, Mr. Turtle lay down on the side of the road and began Doing Absolutely Nothing.
In 30 minutes a fox came along and ate him.
The moral of the story is: You can get away with Doing Absolutely Nothing, but only if you are really high up.
Plea
After a trial had been going on for three days, Finley, the man accused of committing the crimes, stood up and approached the judge's bench. "Your Honor, I would like to change my plea from 'innocent' to 'guilty' of the charges."
The judge angrily banged his fist on the desk. "If you're guilty, why didn't you say so in the first place and save this court a lot of time and inconvenience?" he demanded.
Finley looked up wide-eyed and stated, "Well, when the trial started I thought I was innocent, but that was before I heard all the evidence against me."
Energy
Engineering classes at the University of Maryland are tough, and struggling students sometimes go to extremes in order to pass. Grading exams one semester, I got to this question: "What is the relationship between kinetic and potential energy?"
One student, obviously stumped, decided to get clever and wrote, "As far as I know, they're just friends, but there could be something else going on there."
Linguistics
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive.
In some languages though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative."
"However," he pointed out, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah. Right."
Priest and Pastor
A priest and pastor from the local parishes were standing by the side of the road holding up a sign that read, "The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!"
They planned to hold up the sign to each passing car. As the first driver sped past, he yelled, "Leave us alone...we don't believe in that religious stuff!"
From around the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash. One clergyman said to the other, "Do you think we should just put up a sign that says, 'Bridge Out' instead?"
A young man was a slow worker and found it difficult to hold down a job. After a visit to the employment office, he was offered work at the local zoo. When he arrived for his first day, the keeper, aware of his reputation, told him to take care of the tortoise section.
Later, the keeper dropped by to see how the young man was doing and found him standing by an empty enclosure with the gate open.
"Where are the tortoises?" he asked.
"I can't believe it," said the new employee, "I just opened the door and whooooosh, they were gone!"
Defining Characteristics
...of Slow People
1. Slow people always walk side by side, even if they don't know each other.
2. They drive side by side, too. If they can't find another slow driver to pair up with, they drive in the fast lane.
3. Slow walkers never look back. When they drive, they never look in their rear view mirrors, either.
4. Slow people drift sideways so they'll block the path of anyone trying to pass them. If two people or vehicles are trying to get around them at the same time, they drift into the path of the one that is moving at the highest speed.
5. Follow behind a slow person in the grocery store and you'll wind up with soggy ice cream every time.
Work Sayings...
For those sarcastic moments...
And your crybaby whinny opinion would be...?
I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
Does your train of thought have a caboose?
Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
A PBS mind in an MTV world.
Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
Can I trade this job for what's behind door number 1?
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
Macho Law prohibits me from admitting I'm wrong.
Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
Chaos, panic, & disorder -- my work here is done.
I plead contemporary insanity.
How do I set a laser printer to stun?
Meandering to a different drummer.
Lesson in Life
Mr. Turtle was walking down the road when he spotted a eagle at the tip top of a very tall tree. He shouted, "Good Morning, Mr. Crow."
Mr. Crow shouted back down, "Good Morning Mr. Turtle." Mr. Turtle shouted up, "Whatcha doin' today?" and the answer shouted back down was, "Absolutely nothin' Mr. Turtle - Absolutely nothin' and loving it."
Well, that sounded pretty good to Mr. Turtle, so he shouted back up, "Do you think I could do that too?" Mr. Crow shouted back down, "I don't see why not!" So, Mr. Turtle lay down on the side of the road and began Doing Absolutely Nothing.
In 30 minutes a fox came along and ate him.
The moral of the story is: You can get away with Doing Absolutely Nothing, but only if you are really high up.
Plea
After a trial had been going on for three days, Finley, the man accused of committing the crimes, stood up and approached the judge's bench. "Your Honor, I would like to change my plea from 'innocent' to 'guilty' of the charges."
The judge angrily banged his fist on the desk. "If you're guilty, why didn't you say so in the first place and save this court a lot of time and inconvenience?" he demanded.
Finley looked up wide-eyed and stated, "Well, when the trial started I thought I was innocent, but that was before I heard all the evidence against me."
Energy
Engineering classes at the University of Maryland are tough, and struggling students sometimes go to extremes in order to pass. Grading exams one semester, I got to this question: "What is the relationship between kinetic and potential energy?"
One student, obviously stumped, decided to get clever and wrote, "As far as I know, they're just friends, but there could be something else going on there."
Linguistics
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive.
In some languages though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative."
"However," he pointed out, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah. Right."
Priest and Pastor
A priest and pastor from the local parishes were standing by the side of the road holding up a sign that read, "The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!"
They planned to hold up the sign to each passing car. As the first driver sped past, he yelled, "Leave us alone...we don't believe in that religious stuff!"
From around the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash. One clergyman said to the other, "Do you think we should just put up a sign that says, 'Bridge Out' instead?"
Historical Tidbits You Didn't Know You Needed To Know
Historical Tidbits You Didn’t Know You Needed To Know
If these aren't true, someone had quite a bit of imagination to dream them up!
In George Washington's days, there were no cameras. One's image was either sculpted
or painted. Some paintings of George Washington showed him standing behind a desk with one arm behind his back while others showed both legs and both arms. Prices charged by painters were not based on how many people were to be painted, but
by how many limbs were to be painted. Arms and legs are "limbs," therefore painting them would cost the buyer more. Hence the expression, "Okay, but it'll cost you an arm and a leg."
As incredible as it sounds, men and women took baths only twice a year (May and October)! Women kept their hair covered, while men shaved their heads (because of
lice and bugs) and wore wigs. Wealthy men could afford good wigs made from wool.
They couldn't wash the wigs, so to clean them they would carve out a loaf of bread,
put the wig in the shell, and bake it for 30 minutes. The heat would make the wig big
and fluffy, hence the term "big wig." Today we often use the term "here comes the Big
Wig" because someone appears to be or is powerful and >wealthy.
In the late 1700s, many houses consisted of a large room with only one chair. Commonly, a long wide board folded down from the wall, and was used for dining. The "head of the household" always sat in the chair while everyone else ate sitting on the floor. Occasionally a guest, who was usually a man, would be invited to sit in this chair
during a meal. To sit in the chair meant you were important and in charge. They called
the one sitting in the chair the "chair man." Today in business, we use the expression or
title "Chairman" or "Chairman of the Board."
Personal hygiene left much room for improvement. As a result, many women and men had developed acne scars by adulthood. The women would spread bee's wax over their facial skin to smooth out their complexions. When they were speaking to each other, if a woman began to stare at another woman's face she was told, "mind your own bee's wax." Should the woman smile, the wax would crack, hence the term "crack a smile". In addition, when they sat too close to the fire, the wax would melt . . . therefore, the expression "losing face."
Ladies wore corsets, which would lace up in the front. A proper and dignified woman,
as in "straight laced" . . wore a tightly tied lace.
Common entertainment included playing cards. However, there was a tax levied when purchasing playing cards but only applicable to the "Ace of Spades." To avoid paying the tax, people would purchase 51 cards instead. Yet, since most games require 52 cards, these people were thought to be stupid or dumb because they weren't "playing with a full deck."
Early politicians required feedback from the public to determine what the people considered important. Since there were no telephones, TV's or radios, the politicians
sent their assistants to local taverns, pubs, and bars. They were told to "go sip some
ale" and listen to people's conversations and political concerns. Many assistants were dispatched at different times. "You go sip here" and "You go sip there." The two words "go sip" were eventually combined when referring to the local opinion and, thus we have the term "gossip."
At local taverns, pubs, and bars, people drank from pint and quart-sized containers. A bar maid's job was to keep an eye on the customers and keep the drinks coming. She had to pay close attention and remember who was drinking in "pints" and who was drinking in "quarts," hence the term "minding your "P's and Q's "
One more: bet you didn't know this!
In the heyday of sailing ships, all war ships and many freighters carried iron cannons. Those cannons fired round iron cannon balls. It was necessary to keep a good supply
near the cannon. However, how to prevent them from rolling about the deck? The best storage method devised was a square-based pyramid with one ball on top, resting on
four resting on nine, which rested on sixteen. Thus, a supply of 30 cannon balls could be stacked in a small area right next to the cannon. There was only one problem...how to prevent the bottom layer from sliding or rolling from under the others. The solution was a metal plate called a "Monkey" with 16 round indentations. However, if this plate were made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust to it. The solution to the rusting problem was to make "Brass Monkeys." Few landlubbers realize that brass contracts much more and much faster than iron when chilled. Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannonballs would come right off the monkey. Thus, it was quite literally, "Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey."
(All this time, you thought that was an improper expression, didn't you.)
And now you know…the rest of the story…
If these aren't true, someone had quite a bit of imagination to dream them up!
In George Washington's days, there were no cameras. One's image was either sculpted
or painted. Some paintings of George Washington showed him standing behind a desk with one arm behind his back while others showed both legs and both arms. Prices charged by painters were not based on how many people were to be painted, but
by how many limbs were to be painted. Arms and legs are "limbs," therefore painting them would cost the buyer more. Hence the expression, "Okay, but it'll cost you an arm and a leg."
As incredible as it sounds, men and women took baths only twice a year (May and October)! Women kept their hair covered, while men shaved their heads (because of
lice and bugs) and wore wigs. Wealthy men could afford good wigs made from wool.
They couldn't wash the wigs, so to clean them they would carve out a loaf of bread,
put the wig in the shell, and bake it for 30 minutes. The heat would make the wig big
and fluffy, hence the term "big wig." Today we often use the term "here comes the Big
Wig" because someone appears to be or is powerful and >wealthy.
In the late 1700s, many houses consisted of a large room with only one chair. Commonly, a long wide board folded down from the wall, and was used for dining. The "head of the household" always sat in the chair while everyone else ate sitting on the floor. Occasionally a guest, who was usually a man, would be invited to sit in this chair
during a meal. To sit in the chair meant you were important and in charge. They called
the one sitting in the chair the "chair man." Today in business, we use the expression or
title "Chairman" or "Chairman of the Board."
Personal hygiene left much room for improvement. As a result, many women and men had developed acne scars by adulthood. The women would spread bee's wax over their facial skin to smooth out their complexions. When they were speaking to each other, if a woman began to stare at another woman's face she was told, "mind your own bee's wax." Should the woman smile, the wax would crack, hence the term "crack a smile". In addition, when they sat too close to the fire, the wax would melt . . . therefore, the expression "losing face."
Ladies wore corsets, which would lace up in the front. A proper and dignified woman,
as in "straight laced" . . wore a tightly tied lace.
Common entertainment included playing cards. However, there was a tax levied when purchasing playing cards but only applicable to the "Ace of Spades." To avoid paying the tax, people would purchase 51 cards instead. Yet, since most games require 52 cards, these people were thought to be stupid or dumb because they weren't "playing with a full deck."
Early politicians required feedback from the public to determine what the people considered important. Since there were no telephones, TV's or radios, the politicians
sent their assistants to local taverns, pubs, and bars. They were told to "go sip some
ale" and listen to people's conversations and political concerns. Many assistants were dispatched at different times. "You go sip here" and "You go sip there." The two words "go sip" were eventually combined when referring to the local opinion and, thus we have the term "gossip."
At local taverns, pubs, and bars, people drank from pint and quart-sized containers. A bar maid's job was to keep an eye on the customers and keep the drinks coming. She had to pay close attention and remember who was drinking in "pints" and who was drinking in "quarts," hence the term "minding your "P's and Q's "
One more: bet you didn't know this!
In the heyday of sailing ships, all war ships and many freighters carried iron cannons. Those cannons fired round iron cannon balls. It was necessary to keep a good supply
near the cannon. However, how to prevent them from rolling about the deck? The best storage method devised was a square-based pyramid with one ball on top, resting on
four resting on nine, which rested on sixteen. Thus, a supply of 30 cannon balls could be stacked in a small area right next to the cannon. There was only one problem...how to prevent the bottom layer from sliding or rolling from under the others. The solution was a metal plate called a "Monkey" with 16 round indentations. However, if this plate were made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust to it. The solution to the rusting problem was to make "Brass Monkeys." Few landlubbers realize that brass contracts much more and much faster than iron when chilled. Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannonballs would come right off the monkey. Thus, it was quite literally, "Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey."
(All this time, you thought that was an improper expression, didn't you.)
And now you know…the rest of the story…
Saturday, November 7, 2009
November Specials
PURE HERBS, LTD.
NOVEMBER SPECIALS
“HEAVY METALS & POISONS”
BLACK COHOSH, H.M.E.-H, IM.S.-W, I.V.-H & Z.C.B.-J
11/1/09-11/30/09
Purchase 3 bottles receive the 4th bottle free.
To take advantage of the special, all 3 bottles must be the same product, same size and purchased at the same time.
As is my continued practice, I will order products for my friends at my distributor (wholesale) discount of 20% off the regular retail. The prices listed below ARE the distributor (wholesale) prices.
BLACK COHOSH – As a poison antidote, Black Cohosh has several useful functions. Its regular use, and use in crisis, can prevent allergic reactions and correct allergic reactions of stings and bites from poisonous creatures of all kinds (bees, mosquitoes, spiders, snakes, etc.). Also, as a poison antidote to prevent colds and childhood illnesses or clear them up. Black Cohosh absorbs and neutralizes the poisons of disease so the body can heal itself. This is of special importance with internal poisons from cysts, fistulas, boils, carbuncles and acne.
Menopause and its tortures and many widespread female problems are handled routinely by Black Cohosh. The action of Black Cohosh on the circulatory system is to slow the heartbeat and strengthen its output as well as increase the pulse strength. At the same time, it acts as an arterial and nerve sedative which is most important to reduce hypertension (nerve-induced high blood pressure) and far safer than Digitalis.
In folk medicine, it has long been used as a fomentation, (cloth soaked in the extract used externally) for headaches, sedative for upset nerves, migraine, epilepsy, insomnia, meningitis (inflammation and painful infection of membranes around brain and spinal cord), painful menstruation and to ease labor.
DOSAGE: 10 to 60 drops three times per day. Apply the extract liberally to poisonous stings and bites externally. If meningitis 10 to 60 drops hourly as needed and apply same to entire spine, neck and temples. NOTE: Some individuals are very sensitive and may develop a headache if too much is taken, so start with 10 drops and gradually increase.
DISTRIBUTOR COST (20% savings) 1 oz. - $ 7.50 4 oz. - $ 22.50
H.M.E.-H – (HEAVY METAL ELIMINATION – herbalist - Hilty) – It is truly amazing how many baffling and long-standing physical and emotional problems can clear up when you rid the body of contamination metals. We must rid our bodies of polluting metals such as lead, mercury, zinc, cadmium, aluminum and others.
In this “modern” society we manufacture goods, provide services and dump wastes without much thought to the health of the air, the soil, the rivers and lakes and the oceans, which we pollute with chemicals the world has never seen before. Some of these chemicals have undesirable metals in them. We do this in the name of progress with no thought about the affect on the health of adults, children, animals and plants. Because of profit and greed we pay a huge price in terms of our health. People lose their ability to use their memory and become dehumanized (Alzheimer’s). Women are tormented by their reproductive systems, children act like animals instead of their true personalities. New “dis-ease” names are invented to describe new sicknesses and the medical industrial complex invents new drugs of questionable value for enormous profits to try and solve the problems. This is disgraceful and irresponsible. Any herbalist or natural practitioner who confronts this problem to turn the situation around is to be admired.
H.M.E.-H is an approach to rid the body of tormenting inorganic metals, especially the heavy metal. It contains a complete mineral supplement base and selected increased natural minerals, which have more energy than inorganic minerals. Good minerals drive out bad minerals. This is the principle which the combination H.M.E.-H makes use of. Its contents: Atlantic Kelp, Bladderwrack, Irish Moss, Arrow Root, Horsetail, Oat Straw, Siberian Ginseng, (Hemidesmus indicus) and Wheat Germ produce impressive results. Look for improvement in these categories especially: Removal of heavy metals, rid the body of poison settlements which keep, prevent mood swings if acidic, clean the genetic machinery, depression, concentrate easier, improve energy, strengthen eyes and sleep better.
COMBINATION: All Cells Salts (Bladderwrack, Atlantic Kelp, Irish Moss, Arrow Root), Horsetail, Oat Straw, Siberian Ginseng, Wheat Germ.
DOSAGE: One teaspoon two or three times per day at mealtime.
DISTRIBUTOR COST (20% savings) 1 oz. - $ 10.00 4 oz. - $ 30.00
IM.S.-W – (IMMUNE SYSTEM BUILDER) - Father Sebastian Kneip, renowned natural practitioner of the 19th century, said, "when you pass among the sick, chew Juniper Berries.” A natural, immunity is provided by this wonderful and good tasting herb. The proof is that he and his staff were able to treat the sick and remain immune to their afflictions. Of course, Juniper Berries were also given to the sick so that they might recover, and recover they did, in legions.
Marshmallow, Carpenter's Square, and Mullein, have long been noted as the remedies for swollen glands of the neck, underarms, breast and reproductive areas. They provide a rapid and effective immunity for these areas. Sweet Root (Calamus Root) is the most prized remedy of the North American Indian Nation, the Chippewa, and was given to those who were called "hopeless.” And they got well, even when it was a viral problem!
Black Cohosh and Sarsaparilla are not only poison antidotes for snake bite and venereal “dis-ease,” they also neutralize all manner of poisons. Bacteria, viruses and fungus, including infectious yeast, not only give off poisons that make you feel terrible, they also weaken you even more by attacking the immune system itself. Black Cohosh and Sarsaparilla handle this attack as well. Lapacho corrects inflammation of the reproductive organs and glands.
The nutrition of some people, is not just bad, it is appalling. A body, which lacks tissue integrity, is the perfect breeding ground for infections, which roll over a feeble immune system that just cannot cope with the invasion. Reverse all this, eat decent food instead of "junk foods,” and build your immune system so you can live well and without as much fear. Help your immune system and it will help you.
COMBINATION: Juniper Berry, Marshmallow, Mullein, Sweet Root, Carpenter's Square, Black Cohosh, Sarsaparilla, Lapacho.
DOSAGE: 10 to 40 drops, 3 times per day, to build active immunity. 20 to 40 drops per day as maintenance.
DISTRIBUTOR COST (20% savings) 1 oz. - $ 10.00 4 oz. - $ 30.00
I.V.-H - (INFECTION AND VIRUSES –herbalist Hilty) - It is always a great pleasure when we see the problem of viruses and the complications of infections meet their match in the herbal world. This formula is a new approach with known, tried and tested herbs to meet the challenge of flu, coughs, colds, headaches, sore throats, stomach aches, vomiting and other miseries. It was developed through great need, experience and observation of results with real people. Its final formulation relies on combining the strength of Myrrh, Olive Leaf, Wild Rose Hips, and Yarrow for its potent herbal punch to repair the immune system and recover your health.
Results of this combination, I.V.-H is impressive and extensive. Look for improvement from the miseries of these categories especially: Infections, which accompany the respiratory problems including virus problems, fungus problems, parasite problems, sore throat, fever and numerous upsets, which accompany the flu, coughs and colds.
COMBINATION: Myrrh, Olive Leaf, Wild Rose Hips, Yarrow.
DOSAGE: One teaspoon two to three times per day with food.
DISTRIBUTOR COST (20% savings) 1 oz. - $ 10.00 4 oz. - $ 30.00
Z.C.B.-J – (MUSCULAR DYSTROPHY) - Is a tragic and serious wasting away “dis-ease” of the muscles of the body. Jake Schwartz and Sam Schwartz from Amish Country in Indiana did not accept this death pronouncement for their friends and worked diligently to find the cause of this problem. Their research and the work of others revealed the cause to be a Copper and Zinc imbalance within the body. An excess of Zinc causes a Copper deficiency. When there is too much Zinc, Copper is not absorbed properly and collagen and muscle tissue, which gives muscles their mass and size, cannot be produced and or replaced and the body wastes away. The person may, in advanced stages, resemble a walking skeleton.
Environmental Zinc sources such as breathing Zinc fumes from manufacturing, drinking from chemically polluted ground water sources and from drinking particularly acid drinks from containers that have Zinc in their composition can be the cause of such imbalances. After using balanced Copper and Zinc herbal formulas on their friends and acquaintances, they are satisfied the problem can be solved and the “dis-ease” of Muscular Dystrophy reversed.
It is not recommended that a colloidal form of Copper be used to attack the problem. The use of Silver may also stop the utilization of Copper and disrupt the body’s DNA (genetic material). You can say this is the genetic link when the body’s normal use of natural Copper is interfered with. Zinc and Copper are said to “fight” each other. That is to say, if you have too much of one it keeps the other from being absorbed and then the person will suffer from a deficiency.
The beautiful part of using herbs is that they have natural control mechanisms within them to balance out the system with respect to Copper and Zinc even when an herb contains both Copper and Zinc. The formula found to be most effective in correcting Muscular Dystrophy contains the following herbs: Scullcap, Sage, Dandelion Root, Plantain, Chippewa Pine, and Blue Vervain. It is designated by the letters Z.C.B.-J (Zinc-Copper-Balance) and available as a Custom Blend.
COMBINATION: Scullcap, Sage, Dandelion Root, Plantain, Chippewa Pine, Blue Vervain.
DOSAGE: The recommended daily use is 1 tsp. 3 times per day.
DISTRIBUTOR COST (20% savings) 1 oz. - $ 10.00 4 oz. - $ 30.00
TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE SPECIALS PLEASE READ BELOW:
SALES CLOSE ON THE LAST BUSINESS DAY OF THE MONTH.
All orders MUST be called in, faxed or received by mail before 5:30 p.m. E.T., on the last business day of the month. Please keep in mind that during the Holidays the mail service will probably take a little longer. All orders after 5:30 p.m. E.T. will automatically go on the next month. A good example of the last business day of the month is if the 30th is a Sunday, the last business day would then be Friday the 28th. Legal holidays are not considered business days. During the summer months we change to E.D.T. (eastern daylight savings time). There are no exceptions.
For in-depth herbal information www.buildingbetterhealthnaturally.com
The information above is provided by The Center for Building Better Health Naturally, Inc.
This information is about historical observations and historical information relating to herbs.
It is not intended to be a substitute for medical advice by licensed physicians.
A person should consult a physician regularly in all matters relating to medical problems,
especially in matters of diagnosing, treating or curing diseases or other physical or mental conditions.
This information has not been verified by the American Medical Association or the Food and Drug Administration.
Shipping rates are as follows:
$ 99.99 and under $ 6.00
$100.00- $249.99 $ 7.00
$250.00 -$499.99 $ 8.00
$500.00 – $1199.99 $ 10.00
$1,200.00 and up $ 15.00
C.O.D. FEE IS $9.00
Drop ship FEE (for products shipped to other than MY location) IS $ 5.00
Please note: 1/2 oz. bottles and 1 oz. bottles are shipped separate from the 4 oz. bottles because they must be shipped in UPS approved boxes. So, if you place a 1/2 oz. & 1 oz. order AND a 4 oz. order at the same time, they each have to be shipped as separate orders with separate shipping charges. Capsules, tablets and/or creams/lotions and plastic spray bottles can be put in either a 1 oz. or 4 oz. box, or shipped by themselves if you do not need any liquid herbs. Capsules, tablets and/or creams/lotions shipped without 1/2 oz., 1 oz. or 4 oz. bottles are at the same rate as listed above.
NOVEMBER SPECIALS
“HEAVY METALS & POISONS”
BLACK COHOSH, H.M.E.-H, IM.S.-W, I.V.-H & Z.C.B.-J
11/1/09-11/30/09
Purchase 3 bottles receive the 4th bottle free.
To take advantage of the special, all 3 bottles must be the same product, same size and purchased at the same time.
As is my continued practice, I will order products for my friends at my distributor (wholesale) discount of 20% off the regular retail. The prices listed below ARE the distributor (wholesale) prices.
BLACK COHOSH – As a poison antidote, Black Cohosh has several useful functions. Its regular use, and use in crisis, can prevent allergic reactions and correct allergic reactions of stings and bites from poisonous creatures of all kinds (bees, mosquitoes, spiders, snakes, etc.). Also, as a poison antidote to prevent colds and childhood illnesses or clear them up. Black Cohosh absorbs and neutralizes the poisons of disease so the body can heal itself. This is of special importance with internal poisons from cysts, fistulas, boils, carbuncles and acne.
Menopause and its tortures and many widespread female problems are handled routinely by Black Cohosh. The action of Black Cohosh on the circulatory system is to slow the heartbeat and strengthen its output as well as increase the pulse strength. At the same time, it acts as an arterial and nerve sedative which is most important to reduce hypertension (nerve-induced high blood pressure) and far safer than Digitalis.
In folk medicine, it has long been used as a fomentation, (cloth soaked in the extract used externally) for headaches, sedative for upset nerves, migraine, epilepsy, insomnia, meningitis (inflammation and painful infection of membranes around brain and spinal cord), painful menstruation and to ease labor.
DOSAGE: 10 to 60 drops three times per day. Apply the extract liberally to poisonous stings and bites externally. If meningitis 10 to 60 drops hourly as needed and apply same to entire spine, neck and temples. NOTE: Some individuals are very sensitive and may develop a headache if too much is taken, so start with 10 drops and gradually increase.
DISTRIBUTOR COST (20% savings) 1 oz. - $ 7.50 4 oz. - $ 22.50
H.M.E.-H – (HEAVY METAL ELIMINATION – herbalist - Hilty) – It is truly amazing how many baffling and long-standing physical and emotional problems can clear up when you rid the body of contamination metals. We must rid our bodies of polluting metals such as lead, mercury, zinc, cadmium, aluminum and others.
In this “modern” society we manufacture goods, provide services and dump wastes without much thought to the health of the air, the soil, the rivers and lakes and the oceans, which we pollute with chemicals the world has never seen before. Some of these chemicals have undesirable metals in them. We do this in the name of progress with no thought about the affect on the health of adults, children, animals and plants. Because of profit and greed we pay a huge price in terms of our health. People lose their ability to use their memory and become dehumanized (Alzheimer’s). Women are tormented by their reproductive systems, children act like animals instead of their true personalities. New “dis-ease” names are invented to describe new sicknesses and the medical industrial complex invents new drugs of questionable value for enormous profits to try and solve the problems. This is disgraceful and irresponsible. Any herbalist or natural practitioner who confronts this problem to turn the situation around is to be admired.
H.M.E.-H is an approach to rid the body of tormenting inorganic metals, especially the heavy metal. It contains a complete mineral supplement base and selected increased natural minerals, which have more energy than inorganic minerals. Good minerals drive out bad minerals. This is the principle which the combination H.M.E.-H makes use of. Its contents: Atlantic Kelp, Bladderwrack, Irish Moss, Arrow Root, Horsetail, Oat Straw, Siberian Ginseng, (Hemidesmus indicus) and Wheat Germ produce impressive results. Look for improvement in these categories especially: Removal of heavy metals, rid the body of poison settlements which keep, prevent mood swings if acidic, clean the genetic machinery, depression, concentrate easier, improve energy, strengthen eyes and sleep better.
COMBINATION: All Cells Salts (Bladderwrack, Atlantic Kelp, Irish Moss, Arrow Root), Horsetail, Oat Straw, Siberian Ginseng, Wheat Germ.
DOSAGE: One teaspoon two or three times per day at mealtime.
DISTRIBUTOR COST (20% savings) 1 oz. - $ 10.00 4 oz. - $ 30.00
IM.S.-W – (IMMUNE SYSTEM BUILDER) - Father Sebastian Kneip, renowned natural practitioner of the 19th century, said, "when you pass among the sick, chew Juniper Berries.” A natural, immunity is provided by this wonderful and good tasting herb. The proof is that he and his staff were able to treat the sick and remain immune to their afflictions. Of course, Juniper Berries were also given to the sick so that they might recover, and recover they did, in legions.
Marshmallow, Carpenter's Square, and Mullein, have long been noted as the remedies for swollen glands of the neck, underarms, breast and reproductive areas. They provide a rapid and effective immunity for these areas. Sweet Root (Calamus Root) is the most prized remedy of the North American Indian Nation, the Chippewa, and was given to those who were called "hopeless.” And they got well, even when it was a viral problem!
Black Cohosh and Sarsaparilla are not only poison antidotes for snake bite and venereal “dis-ease,” they also neutralize all manner of poisons. Bacteria, viruses and fungus, including infectious yeast, not only give off poisons that make you feel terrible, they also weaken you even more by attacking the immune system itself. Black Cohosh and Sarsaparilla handle this attack as well. Lapacho corrects inflammation of the reproductive organs and glands.
The nutrition of some people, is not just bad, it is appalling. A body, which lacks tissue integrity, is the perfect breeding ground for infections, which roll over a feeble immune system that just cannot cope with the invasion. Reverse all this, eat decent food instead of "junk foods,” and build your immune system so you can live well and without as much fear. Help your immune system and it will help you.
COMBINATION: Juniper Berry, Marshmallow, Mullein, Sweet Root, Carpenter's Square, Black Cohosh, Sarsaparilla, Lapacho.
DOSAGE: 10 to 40 drops, 3 times per day, to build active immunity. 20 to 40 drops per day as maintenance.
DISTRIBUTOR COST (20% savings) 1 oz. - $ 10.00 4 oz. - $ 30.00
I.V.-H - (INFECTION AND VIRUSES –herbalist Hilty) - It is always a great pleasure when we see the problem of viruses and the complications of infections meet their match in the herbal world. This formula is a new approach with known, tried and tested herbs to meet the challenge of flu, coughs, colds, headaches, sore throats, stomach aches, vomiting and other miseries. It was developed through great need, experience and observation of results with real people. Its final formulation relies on combining the strength of Myrrh, Olive Leaf, Wild Rose Hips, and Yarrow for its potent herbal punch to repair the immune system and recover your health.
Results of this combination, I.V.-H is impressive and extensive. Look for improvement from the miseries of these categories especially: Infections, which accompany the respiratory problems including virus problems, fungus problems, parasite problems, sore throat, fever and numerous upsets, which accompany the flu, coughs and colds.
COMBINATION: Myrrh, Olive Leaf, Wild Rose Hips, Yarrow.
DOSAGE: One teaspoon two to three times per day with food.
DISTRIBUTOR COST (20% savings) 1 oz. - $ 10.00 4 oz. - $ 30.00
Z.C.B.-J – (MUSCULAR DYSTROPHY) - Is a tragic and serious wasting away “dis-ease” of the muscles of the body. Jake Schwartz and Sam Schwartz from Amish Country in Indiana did not accept this death pronouncement for their friends and worked diligently to find the cause of this problem. Their research and the work of others revealed the cause to be a Copper and Zinc imbalance within the body. An excess of Zinc causes a Copper deficiency. When there is too much Zinc, Copper is not absorbed properly and collagen and muscle tissue, which gives muscles their mass and size, cannot be produced and or replaced and the body wastes away. The person may, in advanced stages, resemble a walking skeleton.
Environmental Zinc sources such as breathing Zinc fumes from manufacturing, drinking from chemically polluted ground water sources and from drinking particularly acid drinks from containers that have Zinc in their composition can be the cause of such imbalances. After using balanced Copper and Zinc herbal formulas on their friends and acquaintances, they are satisfied the problem can be solved and the “dis-ease” of Muscular Dystrophy reversed.
It is not recommended that a colloidal form of Copper be used to attack the problem. The use of Silver may also stop the utilization of Copper and disrupt the body’s DNA (genetic material). You can say this is the genetic link when the body’s normal use of natural Copper is interfered with. Zinc and Copper are said to “fight” each other. That is to say, if you have too much of one it keeps the other from being absorbed and then the person will suffer from a deficiency.
The beautiful part of using herbs is that they have natural control mechanisms within them to balance out the system with respect to Copper and Zinc even when an herb contains both Copper and Zinc. The formula found to be most effective in correcting Muscular Dystrophy contains the following herbs: Scullcap, Sage, Dandelion Root, Plantain, Chippewa Pine, and Blue Vervain. It is designated by the letters Z.C.B.-J (Zinc-Copper-Balance) and available as a Custom Blend.
COMBINATION: Scullcap, Sage, Dandelion Root, Plantain, Chippewa Pine, Blue Vervain.
DOSAGE: The recommended daily use is 1 tsp. 3 times per day.
DISTRIBUTOR COST (20% savings) 1 oz. - $ 10.00 4 oz. - $ 30.00
TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE SPECIALS PLEASE READ BELOW:
SALES CLOSE ON THE LAST BUSINESS DAY OF THE MONTH.
All orders MUST be called in, faxed or received by mail before 5:30 p.m. E.T., on the last business day of the month. Please keep in mind that during the Holidays the mail service will probably take a little longer. All orders after 5:30 p.m. E.T. will automatically go on the next month. A good example of the last business day of the month is if the 30th is a Sunday, the last business day would then be Friday the 28th. Legal holidays are not considered business days. During the summer months we change to E.D.T. (eastern daylight savings time). There are no exceptions.
For in-depth herbal information www.buildingbetterhealthnaturally.com
The information above is provided by The Center for Building Better Health Naturally, Inc.
This information is about historical observations and historical information relating to herbs.
It is not intended to be a substitute for medical advice by licensed physicians.
A person should consult a physician regularly in all matters relating to medical problems,
especially in matters of diagnosing, treating or curing diseases or other physical or mental conditions.
This information has not been verified by the American Medical Association or the Food and Drug Administration.
Shipping rates are as follows:
$ 99.99 and under $ 6.00
$100.00- $249.99 $ 7.00
$250.00 -$499.99 $ 8.00
$500.00 – $1199.99 $ 10.00
$1,200.00 and up $ 15.00
C.O.D. FEE IS $9.00
Drop ship FEE (for products shipped to other than MY location) IS $ 5.00
Please note: 1/2 oz. bottles and 1 oz. bottles are shipped separate from the 4 oz. bottles because they must be shipped in UPS approved boxes. So, if you place a 1/2 oz. & 1 oz. order AND a 4 oz. order at the same time, they each have to be shipped as separate orders with separate shipping charges. Capsules, tablets and/or creams/lotions and plastic spray bottles can be put in either a 1 oz. or 4 oz. box, or shipped by themselves if you do not need any liquid herbs. Capsules, tablets and/or creams/lotions shipped without 1/2 oz., 1 oz. or 4 oz. bottles are at the same rate as listed above.
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